“While [persons with an Aquarius Moon] can be so good at understanding others’ motivations and behaviors, they often lose touch with their own. This happens because they get too caught up in what they want to achieve rather than what is reality.” ~Excerpt from alwaysastrology.com
Ah, yes. My good ol’ Aquarius Moon. Master of emotions, hoarder of secrets. Allowing me to penetrate the impulses of others while, almost mockingly, hiding my own from any possibility of self-discovery. But dammit, by the power of the Aries Sun vested in me, I am hell-bent on not only learning why I do what I do and feel how I feel, but also on how the friggity frack to change it…or, at least how to modify it to work in my favor.
It’s been said that watching an Aquarius (or any Air sign, for that matter) try to make a decision is excruciating. With a Moon in Aquarius, this also applies to me, albeit to a lesser degree. But it’s no less excruciating for those around me to watch (namely, my Taurus-cusp teenage son and my Leo “let’s do it right NOOOWWW!” friend who asks me every three minutes, “So what’d you decide, Jen?”) And it’s pretty unsettling for me to experience this much hesitation and vacillation from within; repeatedly going back and forth and to and fro and thinking I’ve finally made a decision to, five minutes later, questioning it, starting the whole process all over again.
When I left Arkansas, certain that I’d never be a Razorback in my heart, I felt drawn back to Kansas, where I had left just over a year earlier. Didn’t even question that feeling. “Movin’ back to Kansas,” I happily announced to friends and family (and anyone else who would listen). However, being born and bred in Oklahoma, where I lived my entire life up until my sojourn north in the name of love to the Sunflower State in 2003, I now find Sooner friends and family are trying to subtley nudge me in their direction:
“Why don’t you just stay here?”
“It’d be great if you moved back to Oklahoma!”
“Dammit Jennifer, JUST STAY THE FUCK HERE!” (that would actually be less of a subtle nudge and more of a violent shove, a la the aforementioned Leo friend)
In my quest to make the right decision (whatever that means), I’ve weighed the pros and the cons of each state. I’ve asked myself where I would be happier. But those questions have only served to further confuse this blonde Aquarian Moon child, already cursed with an innate propensity toward indecisiveness.
The biggest incentive to move back to Kansas is the close proximity to my firstborn child, a tall, blonde 22 year-old Sagittarius who recently took the leap into domesticity by garnering an apartment with his longtime girlfriend (a lovely brunette Leo). But the truth is – and the truth really does hurt – that although I know, somewhere deep down, my Sadge Son loves his mother, he’s less than eager to have me around. He rarely has time for me or his Taurus-cusp younger brother, citing “we’re doing inventory at work” as his go-to reason (every night for the foreseeable future, though?) while he simultaneously invites his betrothed Leo’s family over for get-togethers as he proudly hones his culinary skills by cooking for the entire brood; or hosts a pay-per-view fight night with friends – his treat. Truthfully, I could live a mile away from him or 160 miles south in Oklahoma, and would probably see my progeny equally as frequently. That, however, is another blog post altogether…and when I find myself tearfully bemoaning the fact that he seems to have a book of excuses at the ready every time I talk to him, and wishing my handsome Archer son wanted to spend time with his mother and other family as much as we want to spend time with him, I know my depressive, moody Pisces Ascendant has managed to finagle its way into the driver’s seat of my emotions again and my eternally optimistic Aries Sun needs to grab the wheel and regain control – fast! It’s all very Cat’s-In-The-Cradle…but I digress. (Another side-effect of being a lunar Aquarian).
Please come back, Aries Sun! My wishy-washy Aquarius Moon needs your split-second decisiveness and my Pisces Ascendant needs your optimism and hope! I need you!